UNMASKED: Snippets & notes from a lifetime collection of journals  (pre-diagnosis).
Advocating for autistic acceptance.




August 8, 1994,


My sleep last nite was less than fitful. For the first few hours I lay there scheming about trains and love, then I had a heart pounding nightmare that woke me with a gasp – S [person who assaulted me], sexual harassment, etc.


For an hour after that I closed my eyes while a million frightened images flew across my mind. I assured myself and reassured myself that no one was there. I even went so far as to turn the lights on and open the closet door.


Then, it was morning – I thought someone had awakened me (before my alarm by twenty minutes) by gently touching my foot. How much can I explain?!




I am really determined to get 8 hours of sleep for the first time in what seems forever. I gained so much insight on the whole jazz scene, and I’d love to share it with you now, but of course I had to cheat [sleeping pills] to ensure this sleep business. What can I say? Sleep well! =)



August 10, 1994,


Needless to say, I got a less amount of sleep last nite (I took no depressants), but I feel more awake now than I did ayer – I was in this purple haze I’d close my eyes and instantly start dreaming! I know, you told me so. Still I didn’t throw them out – I’ll use them only when I am desperate (like, two nites ago!).


Kalpita Pathak
Age 18


Ah, sleep. So elusive. Sometimes, I’m so tired, I start dreaming when my eyes are closed for more than a few seconds … but strangely, I am simultaneously wide awake.


How are you all sleeping, neurokin? Be well. ❤️


Many autistic people have trouble sleeping. Sensory sensitivities, comorbid chronic illness/conditions/pain (ie. Ehlers-Danlos, MCAS, etc.), anxiety, change in routine, and more can contribute.


As evidenced by my first entry in this post, PTSD can also play a role. Many autistic people have been traumatized and suffer from PTSD and/or c-PTSD.


The sexual assault I experienced (one in a long long list of many) gave me vivid flashbacks, racing thoughts, pounding heart, and intense fear.


Autistic people are significantly more likely to be the victims of sexual assault. If you are victim, please remember: you are not at fault. You did not deserve or ask for it.


Support is available. Please follow the link below for a list of international support organizations.